University, Summer Holidays, and about Words.

Am writing this while being surrounded by number by ever-increasing random articles strewn around my room. Those of you who have seen my room will have realised that I am currently stranded on my bed without any means of getting to the door without a) stepping past various objects, none of which I recognise as being 'worthy of being trodden', or b) flying/teleporting/whatever to the door. However, you have to appreciate that my room here is much, much bigger than back in the good old days of Hoedean (note: should be read 'Roedean' in public).

It is not entirely my fault that I am cooped into a seige by invading forces of two suitcases and various other shopping bags full of would-be-useful stuffs. I had to desist my dad from buying me a frying pan. There we go, I said it. (Of course, some may point out that a frying pan is much more versatile and perhaps less evil than my iPod speaker, but that is not the issue here.)

So, Unis. Among all of my dear comrades in suffering (and giving suffrance unto the world) back in my schooldays, some of you are already there. Some of you, like me, is contemplating invention of portable TARDIS suitcase against the hopeless invasion of stuffed cats and embroidered pillows which YOU MUST BRING TO THE UNI OR ELSE YOU WILL SURELY DISSOLVE IN YOUR OWN SORROW. Some of you aren't going there until next year and are currently basking in the glowing metaphorical sunshine called the Gap Year.

In any case, it has been months since my school days were over and done with. Maybe it is just how life works, that I still feel as blind as I ever was.


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I can proudly boast that I did NOTHING during the summer holidays. Well, I slept (too much), I ate (too little), I lost weight (too much, but not enough), I did random voluntary works (for short period of time), I learned to dance (until September, when I just didn't have enough energy to shake my boobies anymore), I did some local and brief overseas travelling, and I mentally recuperated.

Or I was supporsed to metally recuperate.

Maybe I need to change the opening sentence. I did NOTHING CONSTRUCTIVE during the summer holidays. I didn't part-time, I didn't try to learn new things (yes, I have shamelessly gave up on reading the reading list. It's actually difficult, you know what I mean.), I didn't run about trying to socialize.

So that was my parents' reasoning behind labelling me as a good-for-nothing couch potato who doesn't deserve anything. Because I don't go around befriending random people in work/other adult social environment I will fail at life. Wow. Wonderful summary of my post-uni life. I should really applaud at the foresight.

(Of course, applauding at that exact moment would probably have cost me at least my face. Don't want to be mauled, you see.)

I know socializing is important. In actual fact I like socializing. I like picking out gems of fun, talent, kindness or bits of all three in the hoard of unknown which is the human population. So what if they are just pretense? Hating people just for hypocricy is the most immature thing you can ever do. I know it too. World is built around hypocricy, and sometimes it can do so much good.

I don't function so that wherever I walk dozens of new acquaintences sprout out of ground. Having people surrounding you in a network does have its advantages, but I can function well with a few people I can have deep conversation with, people with whom I share a passion, people with whom I can talk with.

So when they say that I don't have true friends because I have to take a plane to see them (sorry to people. I don't think they meant it so that they don't like you. It's more of meaning that I should have more Korean friends. And you know what I think about most typical Koreans :D), I really wonder what they mean by 'true friends'.

Actually their comment that I have wasted the most precious three months of my life is probably not entirely uncorrect. Every second is the most precious time of your life, and I spent it doing nothing constructive (and too much near my computer, but let's put that issue aside, I know I'm an interent addict, but at least I'm not a mobile phone addict. That costs much more that internet :P).

And I don't regret it, all in all. I know I could have spent that months earning more money and social experience (which my parents think I criminally lack). I could have learnt to speak other languages (what, more?! *groans*), to play jazz piano (I don't really know. Do you need extra appendage for that?) , or to be able to drive (they shoudn't have said 'no' when I suggested that back in July). I could have done anything and everything time could allow, but I spent them, in short, procrastinating.

And I don't regret it.

I don't really know why. I know that I am completely and wholy rested in body (and in addition, in my physically fittest state since back in the primary school), and ready to tackle rest of my life. I haven't felt like this in years.

Maybe they're right, I am only justifying myself because I like procrastinating and I have no vision of my future. Maybe because I acually *want* to end up in a gutter.

They said years back that if I don't go to a good university I will fail at life. I ended up in what they measure is a 'good' university. Now they say even though I ended up there by some freak chance because the professors were deluded for that one day they did interviews, I will fail at life anyway because...

...because I don't aspire.

Actually I do aspire. I do want to be good, actually I am more competitive than even I want to believe, sometimes ashamed by it because I can't accept defeat even when I should. Aspiring is good. I want to be happy, I want to be free. I want to do whatever I want, and in that 'whatever-I-want' category I want to be as good as I can be.

If they wanted to say 'you shoud've done something constructive during the holidays', they could have used less offending language. Because comparing people to a psycho mass killer is neither PC nor fun.

Yes, the Virginia Tech one.


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Sorry for the rant, but not having ready supply of backyard bitching sessions does stack up my stress level, all with the suitcases which refuse to contain more clothes :S